Can't believe he is TWO!

I can't believe it! My little baby is two! Still very little, but, when I think how fast the years flew by, I am scared that pretty soon he will turn 22 and I will have the same feeling that it was too fast... It is kinda sad to see them growing. It's weird, you want them to grow, start talking, start walking, stop drooling, stop waking up in the middle of the night. You can't wait till they can go potty by themselves. You can't wait till the day you don't have to put "diapers" on the top of your weekly grocery list. And then, you turn back to those hard first days and nights (usually sleepless) - and you miss it! You miss it so much, that it almost hurts when you think about it... And you can't stop the time. It is flying - with you or without you having fun...

When we brought home Dwight's little brother, Dwight was just 20 month old...And he had to become a big brother, a big boy, not a baby anymore... And I cried every night, feeling so bad that I couldn't be in both places at once - by the crib of Wyatt and in Dwight's room. He had to grow up fast... And it was heartbreaking for me, when one night I was putting him to bed. I sang him a song as usually, and then I heard the baby's cry. I said, "Honey, mommy needs to go...baby is crying..." And my 20-month-old son said very quietly, "I baby too..." What can you say?! 

The song that we still sing to him every night is this:

No one will ever know,

How much your coming has meant.

To me you're everything,

You're something heaven has send.

You are the world to me,

You climb upon my knee,

To me you'll always be

That little boy of mine...

And it is true, he will, always...my little Dwighty.

Today we were playing, he was showing me some tos, talking about something, that only he might know. And then he stopped, looked at me for 30 seconds and said "I love you, Mommy!" It's not like I don't hear it from him often. He is very cuddly person (in and out). But it was just so "without a reason". My little man feels it. And I just thought, "Gosh, 24 month ago this little heart was inside of me, without knowing me, without knowing anything. And now he talks and, moreover, he knows what he talks about. And he even can talk about his feelings..." For me it is more than ABCs song that he finally (almost) sings right, it is more than him being potty-trained, it is more than him walking up and down the stair by himself. His little heart loves me! This IS the best present ever! Thank you, dear! And Happy Birthday!

And thank you, Lord Jesus, for the blessing you sent to us! For the perfect gift you gave! For the sweet heart Dwight has! For every day of being his parents. And I pray for more days to come! Thank you!

Oh, please don't cry, baby...

"Please don't cry, baby!" How many times did I beg for this tonight? Who knows...Maybe, 5 million times... Maybe, 10... It was one of those "crying" nights tonight. Hard. Not easy. Endless. Loud. Unbearable. Loud again. 

Wyatt just didn't want to fall asleep in his crib. Not at all. I rocked him. I sang. I fed him. I burped him. And fed him again. And he was all right, until I put him to the crib... My poor ears! Sometimes I think, that, if I were my neighbors, I would had called 911 to figure out what kind of parents are "those monsters" across the street! 

I hate the nights like this! I hate it! I feel like I AM a monster, like a really bad mother, like a creature without any feelings and compassion! And it is hard to get rid of this feeling,s when you hear your little baby crying for 5 minutes (which feels like 5 hours), and, moreover, when it doesn't stop in another 5. Tonight my record was 18 minutes - and then I gave up! I went upstairs and held him, and rocked him, and fed him again... I put him to the crib, he started crying again, louder than before. And it is the most terrible thing to hear (for a mother) - a little baby cry mixed with hick-ups. Just a torture to my ears, my heart, and my consciousness! I went downstairs, hoping that I could run away from the VOLUME... Nope! I couldn't! It got me even there! In another 17 minutes of feeling guilty I went upstairs again. Kissing, holding, rocking, talking, feeding - all these helped for a time he was in my arms... He felt the crib - and it started again! That time I just turn around, turned off the lights, and left the room... He cried another 3 minutes. And that's it! I bet he was exhausted by his own crying! My poor little sad man! Oh, how I love him!

I know that it is very important to let a kid know, that sleepy time is sleepy time, and that the parents decide when it starts and ends, but not the baby. I know it! I practiced it with Dwighty, when he was 8 month old. Before that I just picked him up, fed him, played with him on HIS demand. Sometimes hourly demand. And it didn't matter for him if it was day or night. He knew I would come in a second after he started crying. I was so tired physically, that I was ready for a change. So, it was hard, but in a week he slept through the night with 2 two-hour naps withing the day. It was a miracle that cost me tears (while hearing him sometimes screaming for 2 hours), patience and a lot of hope that it would be over sooner or later. And I succeeded. 

But even now, knowing that it works, it is hard to hear my smallest one crying. It brings memories. And I keep reminding myself, that it must be done (putting a baby on a schedule) and it will work. But it is hard work!

Tomorrow Wyatt is 4 month old, and I will  try tomorrow to be a better and more patient parent! And stronger one as well! Wish me luck! I need it!

Why isn't your mom in the picture?

It would be too sad to forget what happened yesterday (September 7, 2010). And it was so funny, that I would like to remember it!

My youngest boy’s name is Wyatt, and he is still “brand-new” to us – he was born on May 18 of this year. He is almost 4 months old. So... Josh (my husband – my “oldest” boy!) found a very pretty song called “Lullaby for Wyatt” by Sheryl Crow. It is a very very VERY cute song. I love it! It gets me teary eyed every time I hear it… You mothers will understand me. It is one of those songs that you love and hate at the same time – you would listen and listen to it. It is so true about kids growing too fast, you can cry the whole time it plays. So, you get the picture. Anyway, my lovely hubby found it and decided to torture my motherly soul by putting it on the repeat mode. As I said, I loved it…the first 3 times! And then I couldn’t hold my tears. I don’t mind crying (I AM a cry baby!), but we were in a parking lot at the store, just about to do some shopping and I didn’t put waterproof mascara! “Please, stop it! Please, don’t turn it on again, ok?” I begged. He laughed, “Why??!! Don’t you like it??!!” I DO! I DO LIKE IT! I LOVE IT! I just can’t stand it! (Does this make sense, girls?)

And then Josh had another “great” idea. “We have to remember to play this song for Wyatt’s wedding!” I started laughing! Yes, great idea…to get rid of the Mother of the Groom for the whole day and erase her face from every wedding picture! “Hey, Wyatt, why is your mom not on the pictures? Was she sick or something?” they will ask. “No, she cried too much because of some silly song, so we decided not to spoil the pictures with her red and puffy face!”

Wouldn’t it be GREAT!?! That’s what I thought!

(Sep, 08, 2010)

“…but at least it LOOKS great…”

Today (September 8, 2010) I tried to make my first and only (for now) cake. I mean, I baked before, but this one is the first I decorated “professionally” – with fondant. I always looked at the pictures of the professionally decorated cakes with envy. They are like something that you can’t even imagine to be made by hands. And I always thought that nobody could make the masterpieces like those without years and years of some fancy décor classes, years and years of practicing, and, of course, tons and tons of luck. I was wrong! Thank God, I was wrong! And thank one of my Facebook  friend, who told me, that she decorated her cakes and she was absolutely SELF-TAUGHT. I love that word (or it is two words...)!!!

All my life I have been kind of “self-taught” in many things – sewing, knitting, crocheting, painting, cooking, cross-stitching, etc. Sounds like I am boasting… maybe, I am…just a little bit…ok, ok, I am proud of myself! Just kidding!!! Some of my “self-taught” projects are still just projects!

But cake decoration had been always something impossible to do, something unreachable. But I tried ANYWAY! My older son Dwight’s birthday is coming in just 12 days (September, 20), and he DOES like the cartoon “Cars”. I saw a beautiful cake online – too cute to be true, in other words, and, I bet, a little bit expensive to order. So, here I am – asking my Facebook friend about how and what, and next thing you know – I am buying the stuff to start my “self-taught” cake decoration.

To make a long story short, the same night (yesterday) I made the cake itself. I made a pound cake, the one with less and simple ingredients. I found the recipe online, absolutely ignoring that fact, that the majority of the people, commented on it, said that the cake was so “DENSE”, that it could easily be a door stopper… And it was…a perfect door stopper - nice and brown and hard! It didn’t stop me – the decoration was what I wanted to do!

First thing in the morning, after brushing my older son’s teeth (not mine, of course! I don’t have time for luxury like this in the morning! He he! ) and changing the diaper of the younger one, I ran downstairs and started “creating the masterpiece”! It was fun! I did like it! As a result in couple hours I had a perfectly smooth pink cake with a huge fondant bow on the top. “Gorgeous!!!” I thought to myself!  “And who cares about two layers of “bricks” hiding under the bow?! – NOBODY!” Except my husband…

“What do you think about the cake?” I proudly asked him (expecting to hear all possible compliments to talented me and my fabulous cake). “I don’t know…I didn’t try it yet…” he said. So, I had to confess to him about the “bricks” I hid under the prettiness of the pink fondant, being as truthful as I could about my doubts about great taste of the cake (if you could bite off a piece of it, of course)…  

“Hmmm…But at least it LOOKS great…” he said…

We still haven’t  try the cake… afraid to ruin the “masterpiece” and its perfection, I guess!

(Sep, 08, 2010)

Why?

Why did I started this? A very good question! Talking to myself is my favorite thing to do when I am enjoying the quietness and peace in the house! So, I asked myself, and here comes the answer - because I want to remember! I want to remember all these days, ordinary and sometimes boring, but at the same time I WANT to remember them. I do! There is more to it - the reason is my business and maybe a little bit laziness... I promised myself to write about my children and their days (bad and good) every Monday, I even get the program for my cell phone to remind me to do so. But I haven't done it yet...Shame, shame, shame! And then I thought that I probably spent enough time in front of the computer screen every day (Facebook, Skype, just whatever I can find interesting online..), that I could make the records about my little ones as well. Plus, another advantage of the records online - I can always print it out and make a nice memory albums for my boys (for example, when they are getting married or having their own little ones...). And I can do as many copies as I want, which is kinda problematic to do with handwriting. 

So, my kids and our time together is the reason number one. But I have some more - my own challenges and results. Now I am going to start a bunch of new activities for me, and I would like to remember my struggles and victories on the way to the results. Homeschooling, learning cake fancy decoration, loosing some weight (just to get into shape after my second boy), making our new house a HOME (repair, design), maybe, gardening in the spring time, etc., etc., etc...

I guess, I can say that I am going to write about everything - because it is my life and it IS full of blessings. I know that every day is a gift from God, every second of each day (boring or exiting) is a tiny part of that perfect gift. And I don't need it to be different. I am happy to wake up around 6:45AM knowing that in exactly 10 minutes I will hear my 2-year-old screaming "Mommmmyyyyyy, I woke uuuuuuup!!!!!" and because of his morning call 4-month-old will wake up and start screaming as well, and I know that day will be full of diapers, sippy cups on the couch, peaces of food under the high chair, crying before nap and bed time. I know this all...every day...and I am HAPPY! I am! 

And I just want to thank Jesus for giving me joy of this life, and thank my husband and kids for being this joy! I love you sil'no-prisil'no! ;)

"Noise noise"....?

Oh, my! 

You can see how MUCH noise it was, that I even typed NOISE twice in a row! Goodness! 

I can change it, of course, but I want to leave it as it is - it is just hilarious (and very true)!

Finally!

Finally I am here with my everyday life, and the blessings it is full of! 

Hi to everyone! 

I am not sure that I'll have enough time right now to wright something useful or interesting, because my 2-year-old is making a lot of noise noise and by doing so "asking" for some discipline, and 4-month-old has just woken up because of that noise, and , I bet, he will start crying in a minute! Everyday life, as I said!

See you soon, dear Blog (when my precious blessings are asleep)!

God bless, 

Alya